Ramblings of the Lost

fattyman666 @ 2005-07-20T01:12:00

2005-07-20T05:59:12Z

Deamons exist, they walk among us everyday; their camoflauge is so well done that to the naked eye they cannot be picked out in a crowd. They are here though, agents of evil and deception; spouting lies, spreading biggogtry and hatred. A science type friend of mine argued adamently that the human brain is wired the same, then how is it possibly for some people to be wrought with want to hurt their fellow human being? It does not make sense, because if brains begin the same, shouldn't they all end up the same? Well the same science type friend argued that conditioning and environment contributed to the difference in brain patterns between individuals. That is fair enough, but how is it that two people of similar ethnic heritage, in the same community growing up together will turn out radically differnt. One may turn to a life of crime and murder, while the other attends college and contributes to the prevention of cancer (yes prevention, because a cure is second rate and after the fact - a scheme to keep researchers employed). What is it then that makes these two people so radically differnt after a similar enviromental development, a deamon. People have the potential for great evil and even greater good, but some people choose to let the wicked into their life, hoping for immediate gains. Others choose the long and torrid road of good, where initial gains are limited and not always worth it, but are in it for the long haul of benefitting the human race. Its a dichotomy of good and evil - mind you it is a not a struggle between good and evil because both are necessary to produce the other, because without either there would be neutrality. Ahhh, imagine men and women left up to their own device, nothing would get accomplished except sex and food. No, there is good, which leads to the creation of church and state - organizations to prolong and benefit man. Along with church and state comes the potential for evil, in the form of corruption, lies and greed. Man is an open slate for the possesion of good and evil, which cannot be man made for neither has a proclivity in any person, but an arbitrary occurance in those who choose to embrace it. Remember, the ascetics of northren India chose neither good nor evil, but a laziness and true peace. Continuing my point, good and evil are possesions from the great beyond, and it may be whichever beyond you choose. Remember, that evil and chaos do not always coexist, and that a deed done for the disruption of society may be in place to keep the good from becoming too overbearing and thusly the norm, and neutral. Believe in possesion, because it is real; ignore it and you will only see evil men, not evil beings.

Suicide.

2005-06-29T07:17:46Z

Tonight is a good night to commit suicide. Not a quick and painless suicide - like the ones for those who are so depressed they forget about masochism - but a prolonged, painful suicide spanning years. I began my suicide tonight slowly, very slowly by finishing off my pack of squares; each breath deeper than the one before it, each breath held in seconds longer than its predecessor, each breath more satisfying than the one before. I complimented my tasty-tar with coffee, lots and lots of coffee, because what would lung cancer be without a central nervous system that is shot from over exposure to stimulants. I feel it now, tweaked to the point where I am reading faster than a graduate student two days before a final. My nerves are shot, my hand shakes as a signal the waiter; he can see in my eyes the slow death I am bringing upon myself - all he can do is smile and ask if I want more coffee. I hit a wall of legal stimulants and figure it's time to head home and start in on the beer, because there is nothing better than flooding the good ol' body with conflicting drugs. One smoke to tweak me, once cup of coffee to keep me alive and a beer to bring me back to reality. Some say suicide is for the weak and hopeless, I think that statement couldn't be further from the truth; suicide whether it be fast or slow is for the diligent, the hedonists looking to experience life a little more than the rest of the world, who are to afriad to experience and just brave enough to live.

fattyman666 @ 2005-06-11T01:17:00

2005-06-11T05:49:28Z

As I run through the dark streets of Ypsilanti I can't but help and wonder, where the fuck are my pants? I am wearing my shoes and socks, my shirt is on and my right hand clutches my wallet while my keys are locked into the fingers of my left hand. I sprint furiously, like the hounds of hell are at my heels... well they shure as shit might be, but there is no way I am going to take a look over my shoulder. I sprint faster and faster, my energy in not waining, but I still can't remember why the fuck I am running with no pants. I know why I started running, those fucking squirrels were seeking revenge; let me ask how teh fuck do the squirrles in Ypsi, which is 60 miles from Rochester know that I stomped one of their own. How in the hell does a message like that travel in the squirrell world? Well it doesn't really matter how the message got this far, because I am booking with the knowledge that there are about 300 ravenous rat fucks behind me that can climb trees and jump out at any given notice. Still, where the fuck did my pants go? I'm not drunk am I? Well hell it is a possibility, I am running north on Hamilton away from downtown and the bar scene, but I am not stumbling. Was I at a party? What time is it What day is it? Too many questions to be asking right now, because I can out of the corner of my eye the black shadow of 300 + squirrells closing in on me and my half naked ass. I am trying to keep my seed up, but I have been going full tilt for about four blocks now, I am so doomed, by fucking squirrells none the less. Well at least my junk looks good flopping around, damn its a good day; too bad I will not get to use it on a lady tonight since I am pretty sure the little furry fuckers behind me are going to chew it off once they catch up, which seems like it will be happening pretty soon here. Fuck I am getting a side cramp, thats gonna slow me down. Goddamnit I wish I knew what time it was, if it was still early enough I could duck into one of the buildings and hopefully avoid the little ravenous bastards. Shit my left calf is cramping up, fuck I am stumbling... and I am down. Well here it comes, a shit-ton of furry little bodies, all pissed and hungry for my dick (not in the good way). It all goes black and all I can feel is fur and teeth; where the fuck are my pants?

I just saw dave chappell on the fist episode of season four of def comedy jam. It was the funniest shit ever considering the first poem he read was called "Fuck Ashton Kutcher." God I hope he keeps doing comedy and stops thinking he needs to get off pot.

fattyman666 @ 2005-05-29T23:33:00

2005-05-30T03:49:17Z

Last night I got into an interesting conversation with two men about purpose, not the purpose of the human race, but individual purpose. Through this discussion I came to realize why I want to be a practitioner of life. Let me start off by saying I used to have the mind of a scientist, through and through; nothing could be proven unless is was backed by cold hard "facts", such as statistics and analysis. Something happened though, something I can't really explain that sent me down the road of philosophy. Now in philosophy there is less of an emphasis on facts and more of an emphasis on experience. Generalizations are drawn though knowledge of prior experience; basically if you can see through the bullshit you create in your mind to what actually happend in your life... you are a philosopher. Now, somewhere down the road I stoped seeing things through just cold hard facts, and I started to see inconsistencies in life, such as the paranormal, spiritual worship and personalities. One thing I started to notice was that through science no conclusions can be completely drawn, there is no such thing as a fact; within the realm of science there is only careful observation and recording of data, and educated guesses can be drawn based on the prior happenings. For example, if you drop a ball it will fall to the ground; if you continue to drop that ball it will fall to the ground, but this "conclusion" can only be drawn because of all the past droppings of the ball. Now it is completely possible that one time, the ball might be let go of, and it does not fall to the ground; because the previous fallings are just that, previous. Of course humanity must think in this manner because if it didn't nothing would be accomplished, science would be anulled. What happened to me is I started to see the use of analysis and statistics as just a means of saying something will happen at a certain time with this many observed properties; but it really isn't an explanation, just an observation. I started to question the idea of science and wonder if there is anything more to this world, a possible innate knowledge of the way things are. This idea of an innate knowledge of man I can not be sure on, but I can observe the human being and all its products, to the point where a logical conclusion can be drawn. The problem is the society that I am living in is hell bent on facts and statistics; many people are incapable of accepting experience and word of mouth conversations, to explain 'what is'. Now I am not saying that there is anything wrong with science, I am just saying that there is more than just science. That a logical explanation to humanity does not require recorded observations, but can go along with a gut instinct that can later be reasoned through with logic (not necessarily deductive logic, but inferrential). Thats all I have right now, because I am dying of tiredness and I have no clue why I am still awake and writing this.

Episode III

2005-05-22T19:36:01Z

So I went and saw episode three again, and it was even better the second time. The movie was fantastic, because I was able to look past the horrible scripting in the beginning of the movie and just focus on the end, when Anakin turns. I was even more pathetic this time around though, because instead of just crying at the end I was shedding tears as soon as Ben talked to Pademae. Yeah, I am that much of a lame ass.

Anyway, I want to propose a discussion, what is it that seperates a Sith from a Jedi? Now I have my own ideas, and I will only allude that it has to deal with the use of feelings. Anyway please post what you y'all think.

fattyman666 @ 2005-05-19T03:30:00

2005-05-19T07:34:22Z

Okay, Episode III was not everything I hoped it to be, but it was still excellent. I do not want to give anything away; but let me just say if you are not a hard-core star wars fan, you will love it. If you are a hard-core, you will love the second half. Anyway, everyone needs to go out and see it. If no one wants to go with you give me a call and I will roll out with you.

fattyman666 @ 2005-05-15T04:34:00

2005-05-15T08:33:24Z

wooohoooo I have been up for 44 hours now. Go team Bob.

fattyman666 @ 2005-05-12T23:17:00

2005-05-13T03:41:06Z

I saw Claudia Schmidt tonight at the Ark in Ann Arbor, and it was really really good. There were a few things that she said that stand out in particular, well for me at least. The first was when she was describing being busy; it went along the lines of people claim they are busy to sound important and impress others, and then she pointed out that you never hear anyone saying, "I am striving to be an underachiever." I laughed my ass off because I am not striving to be an underachiever, I am one. I have been asked so many times what my plans are for the future and what I am going to do when I am done wiht undergrad, and every time I just say, "I don't know." For a while I had plans, but than I realized whats teh point? Life changes too rapidly for me to do anything about it, so why not just sit back and enjoy. I love my life and I don't think it could get any better.

THe second thing that Schmidt said was 90% of her destiny is spent in the window of a diner passing from breakfast into lunch. Now I thought this was a really novel concept, because how does one only fulfill 90% of their destiny? Usually when I hear that someone has completed their destiny its referring to the whole fucking thing, not just part. It never occured to me that there can be a percentage factor to ones destiny. It makes me wonder what percentage of my destiny has been completed, and if its at 100% will I be able to keep it up. Oh well.

THe final thing I want to touch on is the idea of a doorway. Some people see doorways as an exit out of their current situation. I see doorways as a portal to something new. Once again, is the glass half-full or half-empty. Or as my one friend put it, "I drank the water in the glass."

AWESOME!!

2005-05-09T14:33:53Z

So after watching this clip I really want to head over to London in the U.K. Anyway I am so happy to see that people are able to express themselves openly in a safe environment, and on such a large scale. Now the U.S just has to play catch up to human sexuality instead of weapons.

http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2667079?showw=no&refsite=6166&htv=12

fattyman666 @ 2005-05-07T10:39:00

2005-05-07T14:45:38Z

I am amazed at the lengths people will go to lie to themselves and others. I am saying this because of some friends that I have been talking to about relationships and who they like. It is astounding how delluded people can get by simply telling themselves that they like someone, but they do not want to get close to them because of past hurts... OH wait, that sounds like how I used to be! Its amazing how I can see the progression of my peers and compare it to my own mental development. It makes me wonder two things; one, since my development paralles theirs, does that mean I am normal? Two, If it just happens to be a coincidence that the people I talk to and I are similar, what does that make us?

Also I went to the VU last night, it was fun. THe most amazing thing was the amazonian woman who did the pole dancing. I mean she was fucking good, and fucking big. Not big in a fat way, she was just fucking big.

whoot

2005-05-06T20:38:26Z

Click to see my Star Wars Personality!!

WHOOOOO!!!!

2005-04-30T06:10:05Z

WHOOOOOOOO!!!! Man am I wired right now! THe cops came and busted up Jeff and mine's party, and I got to talk to them! It was terrifying and awesome all at the same time. For some reason they claimed they smelled pot from out in the hall, so they accused me of smoking pot. Man fuck that, the most I had had all night was a Spark, a single fucking Spark, and well a couple of shots that got poored down my throat by two lovely ladies. Anyway I wasn't stoned at all and they were just trying to get in to bust minors. It was a bunch of happy horseshit; but it does make for one hell of a story.

fuck I am bored

2005-04-28T02:45:21Z

Your homemade porn movie by arc_avalo
Username
Your gender
Your sexual preference
Your animal species
Top or bottom?
Favorite position
Director	thebarrelroller
Dude with huge,throbbing dick	the_beej
Person about to have a sore ass	incubus54
Person wearing leash & collar	bee_boo
Person with big sexy feet	eatworms
Slave with no master	deadinmi

Quiz created with MemeGen!

MMMmmmmmmmmmmmmm........Naked

2005-04-27T14:44:14Z

Ahhhh the semester is finally over and I think I did pretty well, even though I just had three classes. It's okay, because I consider this a learning semester, which means I am learning more and more about how lazy and unmotivated I actually am. I mean I am not like that because I am afraid to graduate, but just because I don't really know what I want out of life. THe more and more I think about it, the harder it gets to make up my mind. Oh well, all I know is I need to take my monkey ass to graduate school. Anyway with the semester being over that means summer is just around the corner, and the summer equals me not having to wear that many clothes. THank the lord, I love to be naked or at least near naked.

Pepsi is the antichrist

2005-04-22T15:32:03Z

okay, for those of you who actually read this p.o.s live journal your time has come. I am finally ready to start the revolution up in this motherfucker. You want to know why, because I actually sat down and watched television today for five minutes. How would watching television make you want to start a revolution Drew? Well me tell you, there is a new pepsi commercial using the movie Sparticus in it. A roman legionare rides up and said he found a lunch with a cold pepsi and the name on the bag was Sparticus. It then flashes to the scene when everyone says they are Sparticus. FUCK NO! Not only do I love Kirk Douglass, but I love Stanly Kubrick as well. I am not going to put up wiht that shit, how dare they deface such an epic movie and heartfelt scene. I am pissed, no I am passed pissed I am Superfly t.n.t, I'm the guns of the navarrone.

America, Fuck YEAH!

2005-04-20T23:16:50Z

Well I have initiation tonight, and to be perfectly honest I am excited. No longer will my name be pledge, or my favorite pledge-bitch. Anyway I gotta go make sure I learn the damn creed.

I am a practitioner of life.

2005-04-14T21:01:49Z

I am sitting out on my porch smoking a beer and drinking a cigarette wondering if life can get any better; I really dont know if it can. I mean its a beatiful day outside, the birds are chirping, the sun is shinning and everyone has a smile on their face - except the guy walking through the parking lot on his way to work, but I don't blame him. Almost every tree I have walked by today is budding, and it is fucking gorgeous. When I look at the buds on a tree they are truely amazing, they are miniature universes in their own right,. They start off from nothing, then a small "pod" erupts from the end of branch. Next comes an EXPLOSION, and form it comes those little things called stems or stipends or what-ever-the-fuck they are called. They burst forth into existance. They were not there last week, but here they are now. Sharing in the sun like the rest of the things in Michigan, and trust me if you are from Michigan you appreciate the sun more than any other person in the United States.

I have come to realize that I want my field of study to be life: not people; not consciousness; but life! I want to be a proprietor of all things that are living, I want to know existence! I am happy to be alive for once, and for those of you who have seen me in winter or for those rare few that knew me in highschool that is a change. I mean everything is beautiful and it is wonderful. Hell this is all being written down without the addition of illegal substances or sex. I am really hoping that I can move out west when I get older to further my studies and possibly become a cowboy. That would be a wonderful life I think. Anyway I am going to keep this short because I need to get some HW done so that way I can finish up my semester and enjoy the summer.

fattyman666 @ 2005-04-14T01:56:00

2005-04-14T06:03:40Z

okay, today I realized what I want to do with the rest of my life... I want to move out west, finish up my doctorate in philosophy and roam the plains. Thats right people, I want to be an intellectual cowboy. I realized that is my calling in life, well maybe its not my calling but it sounds damn better than what else is in store for me. I mean shit, my friend is about to take her MCATS and she is losing her fucking mind. I am not cut out for that kind of shit. I am not lazy, but I am not ambitious. I do not want to say that I follow the way of the middle path because I am not Buddhist; but I definately am more layed back than most people I know. I mean has anyone actually stopped to look outside, TREES ARE BUDDING!! Am I the only person left over the age of five who is still ammazed by the process of spring? I want to be outside all the time, I want to write poetry about nature and philosophize about the meaning of my life. Thats all I really want out of life. Now of course this si influenced because I saw a horse up close for the first time today and it was amazing. I mean they are such big creatures. WHen you think about it, not to many mammals are that big anymore. It was quite awe inspiring. Anyway its time for bed. I will continue this B.S tomorrow.

fattyman666 @ 2005-04-05T01:11:00

2005-04-05T05:14:37Z

Okay, two things. One I just finished I *heart* Huckabees, and it is a fantastic movie. It throws in existentialism, nihilism and taoism; the whole movie is a culmination of the three in a very Hegelian manner. So I reccomend it to everyone. And to which females agenda I fall into, well its all of them, because everyone I know is part of my life and I am part of theirs. Its just interesting to see how I fit into it.

An Agenda will Drive me Mad

2005-04-04T07:44:05Z

it finally hit me, I will never understand a female's agenda. Never, ever ever will I understand it. I guess all I have to do is stay open and enjoy the ride. What I do find interesting and somewhat feesible is how I play into the female agenda; because I can only contemplate what I am going to do, because a girl already knows what they want out of me, and I can either choose to go along with it or deny it. I can now understand why in Greek Mythology the fates were female, because today females are demi-fatresses, in the fact that they know what is going to happen and will influence others to go along with what they want. Its very interesting. Anyway I have decided to finally take the advice given forth by QOTSA, and just Go With the Flow.

FUCKING INVENTORY WEEKEND.

2005-04-04T05:29:54Z

Okay so I just listened to some of the tracks off of Harold and Maude and it relly makes me want to watch the damn movie again. I mean it was an awesome movie! The more I think about the more I realize how utterly ironic the movie is. Anyway everyone should see it, especially if you have ever thought about committing suicide, been in love, or have thought that your parents hate you.

Oh yeah, party at my place on saturday; but I am not going to be there because I will be at work all fucking day. If you want to stop by though and hang out with all my frat buddies and some of my other friends you are more than welcome to.

Sin City

2005-04-03T07:28:15Z

Sin City is an amazing movie. I mean it, at first I was a little stuned and didn't realize what had just happened to my senses; but after a few hours of letting it settle I realized it was probably one of the best movies I have ever seen in a while. I mean take the game Max Payne, add on Dick Tracy and throw in some Resivoir Dogs and you have Sin City. It was fantastic how it was black and white, but not reallyl; it was more of a monochrome of grays, which made it seem really dark, but still allowed for a full view of all the action. Anyway I cannot rave enough about how much I loved Sin City, all I can say is go see it.

Okay I am going to bed, I am all tuckered out from going to club divine and best damn. Have a good night all...man that sounded queer, but I can't say much sine I had a fetta cheese and Egg plant wrap for lunch; fuck I think my sexuality can be called into question. At least Beth and I got some hummus...DAMMIt!

DAMN YOU MICHIGAN!

2005-03-31T16:06:11Z

I was deceived my not-so-beloved Michigan. When I left my apartment at 8 this morning it was warm and splendid outside; but now at 11 it is cold and windy. I am wearing flip-flops and now my feet are cold. Damn you Michigan for tricking me into thinking the weather was nice. I will get you back someday, how I am not sure; but it will probably be through some type of pollution or fallout... fuck now I am going to be flagged by the government. Oh well, if the feds haven't flagged me yet it is about time they do so. Anyway I just needed to bitch about that real quick. Oh yeah, if anyone reads this before 5pm and is on campus, come to the south-west corner of Pray-Harold, AKL is doing these hands don't hurt and it would be cool if everyone came by to at least sign the board - if not donate money.

Holla' love

2005-03-29T06:54:56Z

Okay one thing, but it is fucking huge. I AM IN LOVE!!!! With who some people may ask (why they would ask that I don't know), well let me tell you. It's name is Ladytron and it is one of the most amazing groups I have ever heard! Seriously Stereotraxx is the fucking shit! I cannot get enough of that song, and I of course have to give props to Jenny Williams for turning me onto them in the first place. Anyway I recommend everyone to either buy the cd 604, or just download Stereotraxx. That is pretty much all I have right now - wait there is more; Cat Stevens is actuallly pretty sweet. Okay thats all I got for now.

fattyman666 @ 2005-03-28T03:10:00

2005-03-28T08:12:34Z

Harold and Maud is an amazing movie! THanks to Beth I have become more enlightened, because of this one line, "If you live above morality you can truly experience life." It is a very interesting concept, living without morality. I will talk about it later, but for now its time to sleep.